I want you to stay
by YulianaHenderson
Summary: "She stared at him. He looked into her eyes. The Teresa Lisbon glint was gone. He felt his heart drop. 'Who are you' He stared at her the same way she had stared at him." Jisbon. Based on a very 'unpopular' post I made on Tumblr which had over 80 notes so define unpopular. Angsty in the beginning. One-shot. Rated T to be safe.


**A/N: Because when I was supposed to be doing homework, I came up with this: **

**"**_**Hey but what if Red John doesn't kill Lisbon, but rather manages to make her lose her memories so she doesn't remember anything anymore, not even her own name. Then Jane has to watch as the woman he loves the most can't recall meeting him, let alone loving him."**_

**Here ya go! It's really strange, I admit. But give it a chance, please ^^**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

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'_**I want you to stay'**_

Jane put his hands under his chin. His forehead was resting against the cool wall, relieving his head from the ache he could feel was forming.

A hand rested on his shoulder. He didn't react on it at all. He was too lost in thought.

"She needs you," a voice whispered. He shook his head.

"She doesn't even know who we are – who _I_ am. How can I help her? The only thing I'm doing is causing her more pain and making her confusion even worse."

"But you love her."

"Yes I do."

"Then why don't you show it to her?"

He lowered his head. He shrugged.

"Because it hurts," he whispered. "It hurts. I love her so much, but she can't love me because she doesn't have any memory of us… even if we were simply friends before this all happened. I suppose this is my punishment… for pretending that I didn't love her."

The hand squeezed his shoulder a bit tighter.

"She needs you anyway, Jane. She might not know it but she does. Just sit with her. Listen to what she tells you. Have you even talked to her?"

He shook his head. He hadn't seen her ever since he had found out… that she had lost all her memory. Everything. She couldn't even remember her childhood or her own name.

"_She woke up, Jane."_

_He hadn't run as hard as he did now. He almost barged through the doors._

_She had been in a coma for three weeks, after Red John had taken her and had done unspeakable things to her. No one knew for sure what had happened in that basement where Lisbon had been, but it couldn't be nice if the fact that she was unconscious when they arrived could be any indication._

_He entered the room. She was staring at the ceiling, heavily swallowing. He instantly pulled her into a hug, but he also immediately felt her tense up._

"_Please let me go," she whispered. He pulled away and looked at her._

"_Why? What's wrong?"_

_She stared at him. He looked into her eyes. The Teresa Lisbon glint was gone. He felt his heart drop. _

"_Who are you?"_

_He stared at her the same way she had stared at him, then turned around and ran a hand through his hair._

"The memories are still there, Jane. If you're going to avoid talking to her, they're never going to surface. You're the only one who can bring back her memories."

"But Grace-"

"I know Jane! I know it hurts. But at least she's still here, she's not dead. This could've been much worse."

"It couldn't have been worse, Grace. Just when I realize that she means more to me than I what I have been treating her like in the past ten years, I also realize that I'm too late now."

"Just shut up and go sit with her. If you don't do anything, we already know that she's going to stay this way."

He got up, groaning, then saw her expression. She was deadly serious and if she was that way, she wouldn't let anyone mess with her, let alone let _him_ do so.

"I will pull you with me by your ear-"

"Fine, I'll go."

~…~

Lisbon was reading a magazine, which she never did before any of this happened.

He sighed. He was determined to make her remember but he didn't know how.

Up until now, he'd always known how to solve problems, but this was the first time he didn't. And it scared him.

She looked up when he entered the room. She smiled gently.

"Hey there."

"Hey there yourself." He didn't like this. This wasn't what she would do. She would scowl at him for the paperwork he had given her or for claiming her couch as his. She wouldn't be so happy to see him, not like this. He _wanted_ her to scream and yell at him. It was what he deserved after all.

He hadn't visited her in days because it hurt too much – but now it felt like he hadn't seen her for years.

He sat down on the edge of the hospital bed. She frowned a bit.

"What are you doing?"

He shook his head. Swallowed. There had to be a way.

"Do you remember _anything_?"  
She shook her head. "No name. No memories. No nothing."

He sighed and slid off the bed. He sat down in a near chair and looked at her.

They were silent for a while. She was getting uncomfortable under his intense stare.

He averted his eyes, feeling tears burning in his eyes.

He loved her, he knew it now – but she couldn't recall loving him in return.

One step forward, two steps back.

"Were we really friends?"

"No, we were not."

She averted her eyes and swallowed too. "What were we-"

"We were much more than that, even though we didn't act that way. You know, I was in love with you for a while. But that faded away… but I still loved you. Not like a best friend, nor a sibling. Just… I just loved _you_, because you were my everything… and I still love you… and I know it sounds weird since you can't remember being friends anymore…"

He lowered his head.

"I've been a terrible friend and I still am. I pretended not to love you, so that you were safe… because of that serial killer. But he got to you anyway and I failed my mission. The fact that you're here now… without any memories of who you are or who we are, it's my fault. Not directly… but I thought I could protect you without being close. I was wrong. I've loved you since we met, ten years ago." He took in a deep breath. "He's won. If you never get your memories back, he has won. You will never be you again, and I will be... I will be fading away, because I will never get to see the real you, the woman I love. I've been so stupid, Teresa. So stupid. And it's only now that I realize that I screwed up. I'm sorry… I'm sorry."

He looked up. She was close to tears. He got up immediately.

"No, no, don't cry Teresa. Not for me. I'm not worth it."

She shook her head. Her voice was barely a whisper when she spoke. "That's not… I mean… it sounds like you really loved me. And I can't remember anything."

He sat down on the edge of the bed again. He brushed her cheek. He'd never done so, and to do it now, even considering the circumstances, felt wonderful. His heart jumped to the moon and back.

That was when she noticed his wedding ring.

"Are you married?"

He pulled away and looked at his hand.

No, he wasn't. He was once. How do you explain to someone that used to know everything about you that you were stupid and naïve enough to continue living in the past?

He couldn't.

"No, I'm not, Teresa. Not anymore."

"Then why are you still wearing a wedding ring?"

"Because I'm stupid. My wife… she was killed. And I thought I had to stay loyal to her, while I knew from the beginning I shouldn't have. She can't care less about what I do now. I think that she would be laughing in my face then pinch my arm for being such an idiot."

He took off his ring – he should've done it sooner.

He brushed her cheek again.

"I will fight to get your memories back, Teresa. Even if it will hurt. I won't rest until you remember."

She just nodded softly, then closed her eyes.

~…~

It had been five weeks, and Lisbon still didn't know who she was.

Everyone noticed Jane was losing his flow and his patience, as well as his heart and soul. They knew how much he loved her, and they knew how much it hurt for him to see her like this.

She was released from the hospital after the first week, when she was cleared and the doctors had made sure she didn't have any lasting effects of her little adventure – except for her memory loss.

Thomas and Annie had said they would take her under their wings, and they now lived in Lisbon's apartment with the three of them. Of course she didn't know who they were but she did like them.

When the sixth week had only barely started, Jane had suddenly left the HQ without telling the team where he went. He probably had a plan to catch their suspect – they wouldn't even ask.

~…~

Jane almost kicked in the door when he was frantically knocking and kicking it so that she would open it. She did, wearing only her Lisbon Jersey, but he had more important things to do now.

He held up the picture he had been holding and watched her reaction.

Her smile instantly faltered as her eyes rested upon the red smiley face on the photo. She stared at it for over two minutes and he didn't move either.

Without him having any indication she would actually do it, she sank to the ground and buried her face in her hands.

He dove next to her and held her against his chest.

"Oh my god," she breathed. She wrapped her arms around him even tighter.

"Are you okay, Teresa?" he asked. She shook her head. "Do you remember?"

"I'm Teresa Lisbon, I'm a Senior Agent with the CBI and I'm in love with you, Patrick Jane."

His breath caught in his throat. She had stated all this information matter-of-factly, like it made complete sense – and it probably did for her.

She looked up, and Jane didn't know what he expected, but a large smile wasn't one of the options.

"Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you for fighting for me. I love you."

He closed his eyes and buried his head in the crook of her neck. She ran a hand through his hair.

"Don't grow all sad on me now, Patrick."

He rolled his eyes despite the tears that were undoubtedly wetting her clothes.

"He got to you-"

"And I want to forget about it, Patrick. I remember everything and I already want to forget it all. The most important things I need to remember are my name and yours – and the bunch of laws you break every time you pull one your stupid stunts."

"Teresa-"

She squeezed his neck painfully and he flinched.

They remained on the floor for a few minutes, before Jane had had enough.

"Where are Thomas and Annie?"

"Out. They said that they were going to the supermarket or something. Knowing them, it's gonna take a while because-"

He crushed his lips on hers and made her lie down on the floor. He covered her body with his and she sighed.

"I love you, Teresa," he breathed between kisses. "Don't even forget that." His lips left hers to kiss the sensitive spot behind her ear. "No matter what happens."

She nodded and wrapped her legs around his waist.

"I love you," they said in unison. Nothing was said for a long time after that.

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**A/N: I really am terrible at ending stories. Anyway. Let me know what you think! It wasn't all that Angsty, was it? ^^**


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